When you're raising a child or children by yourself without the support of their father, it's easy to see how a single mom can long for a man to be a part of her life. Unfortunately, sometimes our desires can lead us to make illogical choices just to end our loneliness. Satisfying our needs by settling for men, who are less than wonderful, will only hurt us and our children. Try to be on the look out for men who exhibit any of the following signs. If you meet him, run away...
1 He has no contact with his children from a previous marriage and/or relationship. He may or may not tell you he pays child support, but based on the time you spend together, it should be obvious whether he actually sees his children on a regular basis - much less has a "fatherly" relationship with them.
2 He shows no interest in your child or children. If he comes across this way in the beginning, chances are his behavior will not change. Not only do you not deserve a man who ignores your son or daughter, your children, more than anyone, should not have to deal with anyone who does not treat them properly (particularly when their mom is the person who introduces this new adult into their lives...) Think about it...
3 He does not call when he says he will. He does not listen to you when you tell him your schedule and/or plans for the afternoon/evening or weekend with your child. He shows up when you're not expecting him and he fails to be there when you think he should be. (Or worse yet when he's told your child he would be there...)
4 He is selfish with his time. He is not willing to change his own schedule in any way to accommodate your needs (and very real availability) as a single mother.
5 He treats you poorly in front of your children. (Even if he only treats you badly when you're alone, you still should not consider him a candidate for a lasting, meaningful relationship.) But if he so much as speaks to you negatively, much less acts physically violent to you, when your child is around, you should run for your life basically... Children are like sponges. They absorb everything around them. If they see a man treating their mommy with disrespect, cruelty, aggression or anger, they may learn that this type of behavior is okay. Your children may also become upset with you for allowing anyone to treat you this way.
6 He tries to compete with your children. He may almost demand that you view him as more important than your child. If he demonstrates in any way that he believes you should make your child a secondary priority to him, you need to get him out of your life and away from your children. Single mothers do not NEED a man in their life. However, if we choose to have a man around, he needs to be supportive of us and our children, good to us and our kids, and he needs to try to understand our unique situation as a single mom.
7 He does not talk to and/or visit his own mother regularly. No matter how he tries to explain away the lack of contact with his mom to you, you must be strong enough and smart enough to truly evaluate the circumstances. Typically a man who fails to maintain some type of positive relationship with his mother, is a man you who will eventually treat you as horribly as he treats his own mom or worse...
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